This is Your Song
by Groovy Turtle
Summary: The Evil Voodoo Hippy Snarglepuss casts a spell on the Fruits Basket characters and creates an unbelieveably overdone plotline, with an original twist.
1. Portable Gardening Magazines

Hi, okay, there is a warning; this does contain spoilers from about book 14 up or something. Definitely from book 16, and beyond. So if you want to find out what happens as you're reading the book, looking at the pictures to guide you, then I wouldn't read this fabulous fanfic, as you will be upset. And I warned you, so don't go blaming me!

**Chapter 1: What's so Great About Portable Gardening Magazines?**

It was just a normal day in Shigure Sohma's house. So far the sliding door had been fixed 21 times, broken 22. Tohru had cooked enough for 7 people, the boys had eaten enough for 8. Kyo had challenged Yuki to a match 43 times, and had been beaten to pulp as a result 44. And Snarglepuss, the evil, voodoo hippy, was skulking around Yuki's room, going through his porn collection. And it was only 9 in the morning.

Yep, a normal, ordinary day in the- hmmm… did any of that seem unusual to you? I don't think all those numbers made sense?… Anyway, all was at peace in the house, until…

"AAAAARRRRRGGGGGHHHHH!!!!!"

It echoed throughout the entire estate. Kyo stopped working out in the backyard while sneaking glances at Tohru, who stopped hanging out the washing while sneaking glances at Kyo, and even Shigure had stopped pretending to write while actually spying on the two lovebirds sneaking glances at each other, to see Yuki storm down the stairs.

"This is an outrage," he screamed, torrents of spit flying from his snarling mouth, "Get everyone here right now! I want to see Akito right down to your friends Tohru! NOW!"

Seeing as how he had called Tohru by her first name and taking it, like any intelligent person would, as a sign that this guy was in serious need of a time-out, the frightened tenants rushed around as quickly as they could. They made phone calls, rang pagers, sent emails, and even shouted at the top of their lungs until basically everyone they had ever met was at the house. Here's what the scene looked like:

Tohru was between Arisa and Saki, all three of them crying and hugging each other.

Kyo was standing far against the wall, trying to dislodge Kagura, who was clinging pathetically to him so he could comfort Tohru.

Shigure, who was amused but curious, was standing next to Hatori, who in turn looked a little bit put out by all of this (but not too much, because this IS Hatori).

Ayame was on Shigure's other side, and was chatting obliviously to himself because Mine was looking after the shop.

Kureno and Akito stood in the corner. Akito looking furious that she had been ordered around, but was slightly too scared of Yuki at the moment (not that she'd ever admit it), and Kureno was staring at Arisa, wishing desperately to comfort her.

Kisa, hiding behind Tohru for support, was whimpering while Hiro had his arm around her shoulder (awwww…).

Ritsu was trying to apologise for whatever had happened, but couldn't, due to Haru's hand over his mouth.

Haru himself was smirking at Yuki with his other arm around Rin's waist, while she just scowled.

Kazuma was wondering if maybe teaching Yuki martial arts was such a good idea after all.

Momiji was licking a lollipop.

Kakeru was giggling uncontrollably at the Princess who had probably ran out of lipstick.

Kimi was shocked and let everybody know by repeating "Kimi is shocked!"

Machi was looking pretty nonchalant about the whole thing, but her brain was thinking about how sexy Yuki looked when steaming angry.

But onto more important matters, like say, the plotline?

So they all were gathered and Yuki is about to tell them why he got them all here. Okay, let's go.

"I have called you all here," Yun-Yun the ever so regal started, through gritted teeth, a voice of forced calm echoed around the now dead silent room, "because a catastrophic event has just occurred. I went up to my room just now, to look at my porn, ah, er, porn…table? Portable? PORTABLE gardening magazines, and found them in ruins. BUT NOT JUST THAT! I felt so sad that I went to slump onto my bed, but there was a problem… Someone was already IN MY BED!"

A moment's silence, then catcalls and "good on you Yuki" filled the room. About time he got a girlfriend.

"It's not like that guys! It wasn't a girl!"

Noise died down almost instantly, and then an "I knew it", from practically everyone in the room could be heard.

"It's not like that either! I'm not gay!"

Scoffs all 'round, and "as if" was pretty popular too.

"Look, it wasn't a girl OR a boy. It was a hippy!"

"AAHHH!!!!!!!"

Everyone looked around, looking for the girl that had screamed. But couldn't find her, as Kyo had broken down into hysteric sobs, and fainted… manly. Not even Tohru was as terrified as him. Luckily, Kazuma came in a saved his son's pride and dignity.

"When he was 7 a hippy gave him a flower."

"So?"

"It was a Jonquil" (for a picture of a Jonquil follow this link, they suck)

"Aahhhh…."

Yuki was thoroughly annoyed, this was HIS moment! "Okay, back to me!"

"Actually, it's back to me. As I'm the one you're all discussing."

YES, it was Snarglepuss the evil voodoo hippy!!!


	2. I Choose You, Neko San!

Hello peeps!

Right, on no account is this song meant to besung to the tune of the Poke'mon Theme Song.

**Chapter 2: I Choose You, Neko-San!**

"OH MY GOD! THAT'S HIM! THAT'S THE GUY WHO WAS NAKED IN MY BED!!!"

All eyes turned to Yuki, who faltered; "What? I didn't mention that before?"

"Ummm….no."

"Ah…well, it doesn't matter," he turned to Snarglepuss, "what do you want?"

"Well, I have been watching you... (pause for dramatic effect) through my crystal ball (groan, so cliché), and I have decided (bigger pause for a more dramatic effect), that you all need to (OH SO BIG pause!) calm down a bit, you're all so uptight. Anyway, because you all need to loosen up, I've decided to cast a spell on you. So here I go: Som- Oh, you all need to be really still. Thankyou. (clears throat)

"Some grow fur, and some grow scales,

Most shrink in size and grow a tail.

One's too confident, one's too kind,

There's one who's able to shock your mind.

One's too selfish, one's too rude,

One should loose the gang attitude.

One who has fans that fawn over him,

One who really needs to win.

One who apologises endlessly,

One who can't see properly.

One's too quiet, one teaches us to fight,

One has sides of black and white.

One whose burdens she tried to carry,

One's too bouncy, one wants to marry,

One makes up nicknames, one really likes boys,

One loves a "prince", one uses her "toys".

And one who's free, his wings are gone,

Now let's see their traits through song."

And without another word, hand gesture or batting of an eyelid, Snarglepuss the evil voodoo hippy vanished in a poof of florescent orange vapour that smelt of cinnamon.

"Huh?" Kyo had regained consciousness, and with it, his clueless nature.

"Geez, he just described something about all of us, and by the sound of the spell it's obvious that we're going to have to sing something about our personalities!" Hiro had spoken for the first time since entering the house for the following reasons: a) he was too busy comforting Kisa to do it before, b) he didn't have anything to scoff at, and c) the author couldn't be bothered to put him in before as he isn't very important, and she's lazy. But BACK TO THE STORY!

"Shut up you punk! I know what it meant, I'm not stupid!" Kyo wouldn't give up that easily (he never does.)

"Oh come on furball, you may have known what the spell meant, but you ARE stupid. Baka neko." OH! Yuki has joined the fray!

"Shut up you bloody rodent! I promise you, you'll never catch me singing!"

"Are you saying you've never sung in your life!?" Momiji exclaimed, horrified.

"No, I haven't bunny boy. I don't want to or need to. All I want to do is win against that damn Yuki!"

Then out of nowhere music started up, a spotlight beamed on, and there was Kyo, wearing the cap (that was his, but disowned it when he saw Yuki touching it (cooties), which Yuki then gave to Tohru), and holding a microphone. He opened his mouth and a beautiful baritone voice sounded out to the perfect pitch of an A that reverberated around the ro- he started singing.

"I wanna be the very best,

Like the rodent never was.

To train hard is my real test,

To beat him is my cause.

Train on mountains, and eating rice,

Being under waterfalls.

Fighting bears to pay the price,

The martial arts it calls.

Girly boy gotta beat you; it's you or me,

I'll win then I'll be free.

Akito's toy, oh, I hate your guts, and I'm gonna kick your butt.

You will see, I will beat you, one day.

I'll never walk away.

You've beat me, now I'll beat you,

Someday.

Gotta smash him up. Yeeaahhh….

Every challenge along the way,

I will make it through.

Fighting hard every day,

My final test is you.

Don't try to hide, or run away,

It has gotta be:

Face to face, the only way,

It's always been my dream.

Don't you know, I've worked for so long,

To be so quick and strong,

Oh, you're my best friend,

In a world that is pretend.

I won't lose! Oh, can't you tell,

I'm gonna send you right to hell.

I will win I won't give in,

You will see.

Gotta smash him up, gotta smash him up.

Gotta beat that rat!

_And from out of the sky a big plothole in the shape of an electric guitar comes down, and Kyo starts the solo in traditional heavy metal fashion, complete with head banging, and break dancing._

Nezumi, it's either me or you,

I know what I'm gonna do,

I'll beat you, oh, you're going down,

And I'm gonna wear you're crown.

Prince Yuki, you're gonna lose,

Tohru likes me not you.

I'm the cat who'll beat the rat.

Oh Yuki,

Gotta smash him up, gotta bash him up!

I Will Win!"

He finished to a spectacular response consisting of laughter, admiration and total shock. Kyo could sing, who would've guessed? And what was more, he didn't seem to realise he had, or he really liked the attention he was getting from a certain someone. *cough*Tohru*cough*, and jealousy from a certain someone else *cough*Yuki*cough*. Maybe, Kyo was meant to be a performer, using his beautiful voice and awesome guitar playing skills to woo all the females around the world? He obviously seemed to think so, smiling, laughing and bowing like that.

But alas, it was not to be, for the spell wore off him and he snapped back to reality.

"What the-? Oh F-!"


	3. Too Much Confidence, So Little Song

Okay, so maybe I lied about the song last chapter. But this song is most certainly not meant to be sung to the tune of "Ballroom Blitz"

**Chapter 3: Too Much Confidence, So Little Song**

Of the 3 days that had past since Snarglepuss had besieged upon the 20 people a terrible, heart-wrenching curse, and Kyo's memorable singing debut, nothing much had happened except merciless teasing for the pussy and a lingering dread; any one of them could just start singing at any time! Kyo had finally gathered up his pride and dignity just enough to come down to breakfast (one can only guess what he had been eating while stuck up there!), and as he edged into the room Mission Impossible style (complete with theme song and handgun) all faces, which had previously been staring greedily at the mountain of delicious breakfast provided by Tohru, whipped around to look at him, eyes dancing with mischief, and mouths smirking with a mocking taunt.

After a few seconds Kyo sat down at the table, and was greeted by great enthusiasm by all those present (well, not Yuki, or Akito, but that can be overlooked). Tohru, Kagura and Kazuma however, were especially glad to see him alive and well. However, it became evident shortly after sitting that the humiliation wasn't quite over when Kyo was greeted with a rousing chorus of "I wanna be, the very best…" Kyo was NOT a happy kitty, and skulked back to his room to remain for another three days.

By lunchtime everything was normal once again, and, as everyone had decided to camp at Shigure's to avoid maximum embarrassment by singing in public, Tohru once again cooked for a crowd. Ayame, the only one not perturbed by this notion, had been looking after his shop, and had finally come back for lunch. A collective groan was heard and badly misinterpreted by Ayaa as a sign of admiration and respect, as he sat down confidently, only to be scolded for sitting next to his younger brother. HOW DARE HE?! Shame……

Yuki glared (he's getting good at those now isn't he?), as he said "What do you think you're doing?"

Ayame turned to his beloved brother and responded, with a broad grin on his face, "Eating noodles, oh younger brother of mine. Did you want to discuss the eating of noodles with your older brother?"

"Piss off."

"Am I to take it then, that you do not admire me in all entireties, and do not believe me to be a god sent among you mortals to grace you with my presence?" The snake said with a note of subtle incredulous creeping into his voice.

After almost a full minute of a stony-faced Yuki staring at his brother, Ayame was answered with a simple, "Yes."

"AHAHAHA!!! You are a funny guy Yuki. I know you adore me entirely, and I must add, why shouldn't you?"

He sprung up, grabbed the microphone that had appeared through a plothole, and started swaying from side to side, nodding his head in time to the riff Shigure had just strung up on the electric guitar left over by Kyo's performance.

"Well I would say I'm so hot,

Think of all the things you love 'bout me.

I think it's quite amazing,

How most of you it's me you want to be.

Oh my bro over here is giving me a leer,

But he really wants to give me a hug.

And my zodiac friends will go to all ends,

To catch what they call the "Ayame bug"

Oh, yeah, I was electric,

So fancy and hectic.

And when I started grooving,

The girls started swooning.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

I walked through the door, stepped out to the floor,

As everybody turned to stare.

And all you could hear, was the sound of the cheer,

From people who saw my hair.

If they dare (dare dare)

Love my hair (hair hair)

Over there (there there)

See my flare (flare flare)

Oh, when I think of splendour,

Myself is all I ever think about.

My face is such perfection,

Makes people jealous and they scream and shout.

I see Tori at the back and he's ready to attack,

As he raises his hand to the sky.

With my charisma and charm, I'll come to no harm,

I can kill him with a wink of my eye.

Oh, yeah, I was electric,

So fancy and hectic.

And when I started grooving,

The girls started swooning.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

I walked through the door, stepped out to the floor,

As everybody turned to stare.

And all you could hear, was the sound of the cheer,

From people who saw my hair.

If they dare (dare dare)

Love my hair (hair hair)

Over there (there there)

See my flare (flare flare)

People love me to bits,

My clothes are awesome hits,

I'm good with sewing kits,

Yow! It's Ayame Glitz!

_And there was Shigure stealing the spotlight with his massive guitar solo, head-banging and getting into the music. What a sight to see? But Ayame had to finish it off with a bang, or a_

YOW!"

What an ending! Even Yuki and Hatori had to agree that Ayame produced a performance worth congratulating. And Ayame, unlike Kyo, who, incidentally, was still lying depressed in his room, knew he did an awesome job; bowing and blowing kisses, waving and smiling at the satisfied audience. Well, at least Kyo could come out of his room now; he wasn't the latest to show their personalities. But that left only one question:

WHO WAS GOING TO BE NEXT?


	4. All Cows Go Moo, But Can They Rock Too

Ha ha!!! That's right, I lied about that too!!! And finally I have continued this story!

Now, don't get any ideas about this song being sung to the tune of "WE Will Rock You" by Queen, because it's just not on.

**Chapter 4: All Cows Go "Moo", But Can They Rock Too?**

In the days following Ayame's melody there was a tense atmosphere around the house where people spoke in whispers and only when necessary. Everyone lived in solitude, refusing to react to others for chance of being caught out, and only Kyo and Ayame dared to leave the house as they had nothing to worry about, and so became grocery buyers for the enormous amount of food that was being consumed. So great was everyone's fear of singing that some had taken to their rooms, refusing to come out except for meals, others had simply decided on a vow of silence, Hiro had resulted to the extreme; gagging himself so as not to allow an intelligible sound to escape him.

Therefore, the household could be found around evening, sitting in complete silence watching a programme on television that, although everyone but Ayame hated, was not challenged by the fellow housemats who refused to move from their positions. Kyo was helping Tohru make yet another meal in the kitchen, where brief snatches of conversation could be heard, and Haru had got up to tune the almighty electric guitar after sitting still and doing nothing since about 6:30 that morning, but other than that there was only movement when someone adjusted themselves or went to the toilet- which was rare.

This routine had been going on for four days now…

It was during yet another episode of Next Top Model that Tohru called for dinner. Everyone nervously glanced to their left, right and middle before inching themselves off their seats and shuffling to the table. Ayame glanced back to see who was getting voted off this episode and spotted one person who had not moved towards the food.

Something very odd was happening to Haru. He stood, showing only his white side, in front of a gap in the partially closed door, where the setting sun sent an angelic glow around his head as he put his hands together as if praying. He raised them above his head and clapped them together twice, then reached out to the heavens for the briefest of moments before repeating the action. As the crowd of people grouped slowly around him he clapped with greater intensity, thrusting his arms forcibly upwards, gesturing everyone to do the same. Soon, the score of inhabitants currently staying at the Sohma residence were clapping and gesturing with ferocity and it was then that Haru's intentions became clear: He picked up the guitar he had tuned earlier and strummed a set of chords before he started singing, still with only his white side showing.

"Buddy I'm a good man, nice man,

No sense of direction

But that don't matter to me.

I'm a good hearted guy,

A little bit shy,

And I will be till the day that I die.

Singing I will, I will, Rock you!

I will, I will, Rock you!

_While he had been singing he had moved in front of the crowd and was now on their right, his black hair rippling in the wind that had come through the open window of the darkened landscape. Now looking dark and dangerous he sang._

Buddy I'm a bad man, rough man,

Don't listen to anyone,

Living life the way I want.

I've got attitude,

I'm in a bad mood,

And all I am is angry and rude.

I will, I will, rock you!

I will, I will, rock you!

I will, I will, rock you!

I will, I will, rock you!

_Having now negotiated his way to the middle of the stage, Haru kicked open the door to allow the last rays of light to consume him as he started a wicked guitar solo, his white hair flying around as he played to the crowd. However, as Shigure started tapping his hands on his knees in a rhythm Haru suddenly flung himself sideways into a darkened corner, his black eyes glaring at his family as a much more aggressive sound came from the guitar he had in his hands. It was a fight between himself and neither side wanted to lose. Abruptly, it stopped and Haru stood dead centre, facing forwards, his hair entangled and a shadow crossing his features._

Buddy we're tough guys, hard guys,

Liven' with each other,

Two personalities.

We've got different ideas,

Ways of handling our fears,

And we don't plan on stopping for years

We will, we will rock you!

We will, we will rock you!

We're gonna ROCK YOU!"

And that was it. He stepped off the elevated platform and calmly picked up the television remote.

"This show sucks," was all he said as he flipped through various channels, coming to rest on an intense detective drama and earning a cheer from the house; the evil reign of Next Top Model was over!! Haru then walked into the kitchen, sat himself down and began to eat. He obviously found nothing daunting with singing about his twisted personality if he no longer had to worry about singing, and he ate calmly with Ayame and Kyo while everyone else forced down their food in dry gulps and cursing the day the learnt to speak.


End file.
